It's so hard when you have negative feelings around someone who is autistic. I agree we need to be more careful not to generalize it to everyone. What Emma describes with her mother is similar to my experience.

My mother was very involved in my life, though, and I could tell she was "trying," especially now that I understand the various ways autism can affect social abilities. She attempted to express her love, but it didn't come across. It still doesn't. It's more like micromanaging and constant worry, especially for her daughters with small children. She is laying off of two of us that have grown kids, and putting all the worry onto the youngest, whose kids are still in elementary school. It's almost unbearable to watch.

We all interpret it as "you have no faith in us" because we can be doing the simplest thing with our child, and if she doesn't say it out loud, the look on her face is one of complete terror - like she can't trust the children she raised to safely get their own children into a coat without incident! When you add to that the fact that two of us are dealing with raising children with differences and get constant skeptical comments from the world, all we want is a mom who gives us some encouragement, but it is not to be. We find strength in each other.

My mother may be autistic and I'm sure that I am. It plays into how she is, but it's not the cause. I'm sure there were things in her upbringing that influenced her ability to be warm and express emotion. I'm not the warmest, touchiest person, but when my kids were born it was so different. I fell in love with each of them at first sight. They are grown men and I still hope they will let me hug them when I visit. We are able to talk about anything and everything.

So no, having autism doesn't make you a bad parent at all. It makes parenting a bigger challenge for some - myself included - because of the need for rest. So I didn't work much in order to be there for them. I consider it a small price to pay for nurturing the next generation.